Ooh, look, it's a blog.
After this summer, I've lost touch with the blog. But it's nice to take my thoughts and make them solid for the future. I know almost no-one reads this, but we can save this away as a memory capsule they way people who journal save their thoughts. Never quite managed journaling per se. Maybe Iain and Ria will come read this when they're 40... that's when history suddenly starts being interesting to us geeks.
2 ideas have been coursing through my head that I wanted to capture.
1- 20 years. 40 to go.
It's been odd, applying this number of 20 years to William's and my marriage. Compared to our parents' marriages, that's a way big number. It feels like some level of completion. So much has been experienced. We've come so far. The kids are suddenly in the realm of being grown (well, Iain is at least). But, when we think about it, low to mid 90's is a likely age for us to leave this mortal coil, which is 40 YEARS IN THE FUTURE! Holy BLEEP! That means we could, god-or-whatever be willing, be only 1/3 of the way through our marriage. That is a freaky thought. We have gone through a lot together, but we have 2/3 of our together-lives to still go. I can't even imagine what is to come. I haven't seen it personally. I know that Miles and Margaret are nearly at 60 years together, but I haven't experienced their 60 years. I haven't personally experienced, day in and day out, a couple who have made it that far.
I feel like we are suddenly embarking on a new marriage, like we should be taking new vows for our next 20 years. The old vows have worn out, we need a new set for the next 20. I know Alastair and Bev have already had a big 20-ish year re-definition of what it means to be "them" (hi Rowan!), but it didn't gel for me until now.
40 more years. I have no idea what that looks like. I feel like we are suddenly entering the unknown. A new phase is upon us. I wonder what it will be like. We've done pretty darn good so far so I expect we'll make it to the next milestone, in 20 years, hale and hearty... but I wonder who we will be?
2- Laughing parents
So, William and I both come from "broken families", which is an obnoxious term, but is what they called it when we were kids. Our parents got divorced when we were 13/14. Frankly, I remember divorce as being a wonderful thing that reversed my parents aging. They were suddenly so much happier and 5 years younger each. A divorce can be a wonderful thing, when it is the right thing, which was the case for both of our parents' marriages. We're happy they were together and made our families, but we're also happy that they divorced because it was better for them and brought them to better places. (I know, this is a kind of weird thing to discuss and say, but it's true. Divorce can be awesome.)
One thing is, neither of us recalls our parents laughing together. That part of their marriages occurred when we were very young, and we just don't remember it. I wonder what it feels like for our kids when they are awakened at night by us cackling to a movie, or a quote in a book that we're sharing, or something we found online. I imagine it must feel nice to hear your parents enjoying each others' company. But for them its just everyday. It's probably just annoying because they were awakened. I wonder how old they will be when they realize how lucky they were, that they remember that sound.
I guess death makes you think about life. Middle age is truly middle -- only half way to death -- as well as being a point where you are at the top of a rise and can see both forward and back with a very slight bit of clarity. I suppose it is expected that the death of a parent would bring such thoughts and musings about the nature of life to mind, but somehow I didn't anticipate it.
